Maybe I was wrong

So, I realize, I've been complaining about my friends being sketchy and feeling left out, but maybe I've been wrong.  Maybe they truly just forgot to text me, or are just too busy to hang out.  I guess I've always aspired to be a person who everyone loves.  I've always wanted to be that person, that no matter what, you trusted, and always wanted around, but we're all human, and we all need a break from certain people.

I've heard at times that I was "kind of intense" but only from people who didn't really know me.  My intensity is kind of a security blanket, as well as a defense mechanism.  I compare my awkward intenseness to a peacock or, I suppose like 2 male species fighting for the attention of a female..except i'm kind of fighting for the attention of the room/ that particular person.  I don't like being around timid personalities.  I have a big personality, and I like to be around people who want to do great things, however small they may be in one persons eyes, if they are motivated and moving forward, I want to be with that person.  My thing is, if you can't handle this force of intense i'm projecting, than I don't have time for you..sorry. 

I suppose at times this idea of weeding out friends, is not full proof, but so far has been alright.  There have been of course a few times it has smacked me in the face, but for the most part, my intuition wins.  Recently with all these friends disappearing, I never really took a step back and recognized that sometimes, people may only be able to handle me in small doses.  I definitely have friends I can only handle for 24 hrs...or less, so I need to respect that the same goes for other people.

This last weekend all the people I wasn't hanging out with, came back around.  I heard their stories of what was going on and realized that Twitter was covering up what was going on behind closed doors very well.  Oh technology.  May be true that just because I didn't have money for a while I didn't receive a phone call to hang, but that was also my doing.  There also was some drama that I did hear about, and did confirm that that was the reason I wasn't being called, but truthfully..best to stay out of it anyway.

I still think that money and my friends does play a big part, and thats really..unfortunate.  It was like watching myself in a "Housewives of _____" I have friends who I now notice love me no matter what. I have others who I can only enjoy hanging out with because they all have the common bond of money.  All in all, I may have been wrong in thinking my friends you were talking behind my back and maliciously not calling, but I really can't help but wonder.

In other news, today marked a very sad event.  Whitney Houston passed away.  I really can't believe it.  It is so unfortunate and heart breaking.  The Grammys were also on tonight, and it was quite the spectacle.  I wasn't able to watch the whole thing, but I have it recorded and I'm looking forward to all the tributes.  Whitney..you were an inspiration for so many.  I'm so sorry the anguish, heartbreak, and troubles you had to suffer.  As we don't know what the cause of death was currently, we all hope and pray your daughter can rise above all this, and that you may finally...Rest In Peace

 This is how I remember Whitney...so inspiring