MINE

I grew up, spoiled with love.  My parents were young, not yet married, and driven to build a life for their baby girl.  Growing up, I felt like I had two sets of parents.  My Grandparents, and my parents.  I was the first born on my mom's side so there were no kids to play with till later, and my only other friend lived down the street, and we got a long well. 

It wasn't until I was 12 years old, I found out I was having a sister....what..why?! HOw!?  I enjoyed dressing her up, bossing her around, telling her to "go away" then to "come back" but I hated...sharing. who would've thought even with a 12 year difference, sharing would be difficult. 

I didn't have a problem sharing toys, because I didn't really have any, or clothes, it was mainly attention, and comparing things she received, that I hadn't received when I was her age.  Its tamed since then, but not by much.  Its always hard paving the way for someone else, but at the same time, I enjoy watching her enjoy life differently then I had.

Since my realization of sharing, I tried to be "chill" and "laid back" about things.  I let people borrow my clothes, or house appliances, my car, only to receive them back damaged, dirty, or misused.  My sister and I, coming from the same blood, were brought up to give someone back their property, better than when it was borrowed in the first place.  Unfortunately, a lot of other people didn't get that memo.

I still struggle with the "mine" complex.  MY Clothes, MY cheese, MY hairpins.  and now "MY" house that is not even mine... I'm renting.

I currently found out one of our roommates is moving out...tomorrow.  She found a replacement, and told the girl she could move in, without asking me.  I demanded I meet her first.  Its giving me such anxiety, because now I"m going to have to share MY space!! MY space!!! I'm going to have to AGAIN! go through all the emotions of a new person moving in, why are they moving in, what do they really want, who do they want to use me for, do they want to use me?  ... and then I go through the remorse "get over yourself, you spoiled brat, its going to be fine, chill out" 

The truth is....none of it is mine...