LEFT OUT


I remember being a kid on the playground, always kind of hanging out by myself, and observing what other kids were doing, hoping some one would ask me to play.  I never really got asked, I kind of just filtered myself into the game.  I was usually the last to be picked, and the first one out.  And if we were playing "house" I played the silent baby, but I didn't mind.  As long as I was surrounded by people, I didn't mind. 

By no means was I calm and collective.  Inside I was bummed, but I accepted that I may not have been the most wanted or popular one there, but I went a long.  I kept thinking, well maybe they'll get used to me. Maybe they'll warm up.

No matter what, I was still a happy kid, but as I got older, I noticed the girls were "blooming" a lot quicker than I was.  Because I wasn't, I got teased, and excluded on a more dramatic level.  I remember the girls all had a club, The "P" Club.  I, of course, couldn't be apart of it for obvious reasons.  I was excluded from conversations, and through this ended up hangin out with boys more than girls. Don't get me wrong..I wasn't a total dweeb.  I went to Birthday parties, and sleepovers, and for the most part we all got a long really well!  But there were those other moments, that I found myself being an outcast. 

I remember one time, I had befriended this really strange girl.  She was really quiet, and wasn't at our school for very long.  She picked her nose and put it under her desk, she sucked her thumb, and she always sat in her chair like a frog with her underwear showing.  Mind you...we were in the 6th grade.  It was strange.  But the cool thing about this girl was that she was sweet, she laughed at my jokes, she was independent, if anything she was just misunderstood. 

We were getting ready for our annual 6th grade trip to Catalina Island, and it was time to pick tent roommates.  I remember a few of my girlfriends cornered me by our lockers.

"Who are you going to room with?
"I haven't really decided yet, I guess who ever wants to room with me"
"Well, I think all the girls are paired up, but 'Booger Girl' is still available, but she's really weird, so we're going to try and figure out how you can not have to stay with her..cuz she's weird"

I remember feeling included, but I also felt wrong about their scheme.  I decided to forgo their suggestion, and I ended up tent rooming with "Booger Girl" And whatya know... she was a little weird, and liked eating live spiders, but we got a long great, and it was a great trip:) Did the other girls befriend her?  A few of them, but not all.  Some of the girls still made comments, still stuck their noses up, still were insecure. I don't even think they realized why they didn't like this girl, just did, and it stuck, and they got mean.

What is still baffling to me, is the older I get,  I still find myself in this 6th grade predicament.  As I get older it becomes more cruel.  People get more mean.  Desperate Housewives show us that..and we all watch and we all criticize, but yet.. we may find ourselves doing the same thing we are criticizing.

At the ripe age of 29, I'm literally stuck in the same situation defending a friend "Did you hear what She did?"  "No, What?" She stayed at 'his' house, and then was at some other guys house"..and...YOU haven't done something like that? "this town is small" ..again..AND.. why is it our business.  When did People with feelings, became Inanimate Objects.  I guess that's why its easy for some, to just leave them out.